Wedding Photography: Preserving the Memories

A person''s wedding can be one of the most important times in their life. They will have memories that they want to treasure forever and then pass on to their children. Wedding photography helps them do this. Having pictures taken at the wedding and then at the reception can capture those precious memories in freeze-frame and help you keep them forever.

Pictures are important so you want to be sure you get good photos, high quality photos that you can enjoy forever.

Most people will have a wedding book designed out of the collection of the best wedding photos. Usually the photographer will do this for you. You will then have a beautiful scrapbook from your wedding to hold your memories.

Choosing a photographer is a very important step in your wedding pictures. You want someone experienced that will do an excellent job for you. It''s possible that you may be on a budget and price may be a factor as well.

How Do You Choose a Wedding Photographer?

There are several things you are going to want to look for with the most important being the quality of the work. It would be great if you could find a photographer that you had seen in action, perhaps at a family member or friend''s wedding. The hardest part of choosing a wedding photographer is that you sign a contract and agree to pay before you have ever seen the photos. That''s how it works in the world of wedding photography; you must make your decision based of faith in the photographer. So how do you make a decision like this?

Referrals

First, you are going to want to look at referrals. Ask your friends or family members who did their weddings and start compiling a list. You will also need to verify that these people are still photographing. Ask everyone you can about their wedding and their wedding pictures. Most people will even let you see their wedding photos and you can check out the photographer''s work.

Experience & Samples

Aside from samples from people you know, you can ask the photographer himself about samples. You can call the photographers on your list and do an interview over the phone or make an appointment to meet in person. This is your chance to ask the photographer any questions you may have such as their experience, what training they have and what different types of photography they have studied. If you are doing an in-person interview, the photographer can show you portfolios of samples of their work. If doing a phone interview, that ends well, you may want to go in person and see a portfolio.

Schedule and Appointment

When you have chose the photographer you think you want to use, you will have to schedule several appointments. The bride and groom, the bride''s parents and anyone else who may be taking part in paying for the wedding should be present at these meetings regarding the wedding photography.

At these meetings, you will discuss price, payment schedule and possible deposits. Next you will discuss the plan for taking the photos. Many people also get video and digital photographs now. Do you want these? Will your photographer be able to provide these? Will there be extra fees?

Many people have specific plans as to what they want pictures of (e.g. bride and father coming down the aisle, bride and groom, rings exchanging, the kiss, the bridesmaids, etc.) This is your chance to get all this written down so that the photographer is sure to get all the shots you want. Other people give their photographers a little more freedom to decide what pictures will be good to take.

Be sure to ask any questions you have about this important event. Your wedding photography is important to you so don''t hesitate to be clear about what you want.

Looking for information about Photography? Go to: http://www.asaphotography.com, ''ASA Photography'' is published by Colin Hartness - An excellent resource for Photography! Check out more Photography articles at: http://www.asaphotography.com/archive', 178, 'Wedding Photography: Preserving the Memories, Marriage-Wedding, Marriage-Wedding articles, Marriage-Wedding information, about Marriage-Wedding, what is Marriage-Wedding, Marriage & Wedding Information', 'Wedding Photography: Preserving the Memories plus articles and information on Marriage-Wedding

5 Tips To Select The Best Wedding Reception Location

Being disc jockeys, we get the opportunity to evaluate many reception facilities while having little or no bias to "sell" one location over another. Most Brides and Grooms know where they will be holding the ceremony before they decide where to have the reception, so we have compiled five observations that can help you when selecting your venue.

Distance - If people have to drive a long way to get from the ceremony to the reception, some will get distracted or decide to do something else. Try to keep the reception within a 15 to 30 minute drive of your ceremony. If it is not possible to get a reception hall close to your ceremony, make a caravan. Have the Bride and Groom lead the parade, and people will follow you to your reception.

Time ? Time is just like the distance issue. If your reception is several hours after the ceremony, people will get busy doing other things and not show up for the reception. Try to start the reception within an hour or two of the ceremony. If you don''t want to start your wedding dance at 4 o''clock in the afternoon, have a Meet and Greet mixer before your reception. Serve some punch and get people to mingle. This will be one of the few times that both families will be together. Encourage family members to share stories about your childhoods.

Size - People like their personal space, and they have most likely spent an hour packed into a church for your ceremony. If you let them spread out, they will enjoy themselves more. Make sure your reception hall has plenty of room for your guests. The people renting the location might tell you it holds 200 people, but that doesn''t necessarily mean it will hold 200 people comfortably! Make sure to visit the venue before booking.

Climate Control - Having a summer wedding? Is your reception hall air conditioned? If people sweat while just sitting, they won''t dance. On the flip side, if they are cold they won''t dance either (who wants to dance in a parka?). Also make sure you know who has control of the thermostat so the temperature can be adjusted if needed. Chances are your reception will be warm and stuffy while all the guest are there, but as they trickle out during the night the room will begin to cool down.

Smoking - This is a hot button issue, but if your reception hall is non-smoking, you can fully expect smoker''s to leave your reception for 15-30 minutes every hour. If enough of them leave the reception area, you may find a large percentage of your guest just hanging out in the smoking area. This can be a big problem if you have many smokers in your wedding party. You don''t have to allow smoking, but it is something you should consider, especially if anyone has any health problems like asthma or allergies that could be triggered by smoke. If you decide not to allow smoking in the reception area, how close is the nearest place for a smoker to go? Is it close enough that you will be able to get needed wedding party members during events like the bouquet toss or garter auction?

Facility coordinators will no doubt bring up several other factors for you to consider when you interview them for your booking, but these are often missed items, especially if they don''t favor the potential venue. If you keep the overall picture in mind and work with your wedding planner or event coordinator on the decorating ideas, you will no doubt have an enjoyable and memorable wedding reception.

About the Authors: Tim & Tammy Smith operate By Request DJ & Karaoke Company, located in Fargo, North Dakota. They have been providing entertainment for wedding receptions since 1994 and belong to several professional disc jockey organizations.

This article may be reprinted without permission providing all URLs are live links only minor editorial changes are made. Please send an email to byrequest@byrequest.dj with the name (and url if the resource is on the web) of the publication.', 178, '5 Tips To Select The Best Wedding Reception Location, Marriage-Wedding, Marriage-Wedding articles, Marriage-Wedding information, about Marriage-Wedding, what is Marriage-Wedding, Marriage & Wedding Information', '5 Tips To Select The Best Wedding Reception Location plus articles and information on Marriage-Wedding

Restore Your Marriage - 5 Ways to Feel Connected to Your Spouse Even on Opposite Schedules

We''ve all been through times in our lives when it was so busy we would rarely have time to ourselves let alone time to contact our family and friends. With every day life moving as quickly as it is, there just seems to be no time to do everything in one day and get a decent amount of sleep so you can do it all over again the next day. It''s no wonder why it''s so hard these days for a married couple to share a strong relationship. If you feel your marriage is lacking, check out the following advice to improve or even save your marriage!

1. Call them. Yes, this sounds simple and it is! Whether you initiate the phone call or are returning one, it is all based on keeping an open line of communication. Nothing says "I don''t care," more than not calling or not calling back. And if you married the person, it''s obvious you care about them! So show them! It doesn''t have to be a long conversation; not everyone has the time for that anymore. You can just call to say hi and that you love and miss them. If you''re returning a call and don''t have a lot of time to devote to your spouse that second, let them know that you were just returning their call and arrange a later and better time to really catch up.

2. E-mail them. This flows along with the idea of an open line of communication, only to a further extent. If it''s hard for the two of you to talk on the phone, your next solution would be e-mail. You can write out anything to any length and send it to your spouse for him or her to read when they can. However, if you''re looking for an immediate response, maybe you should develop your patience because chances are, you probably won''t receive that. On the other hand, if you just want to send say, pictures of the family, pets, etc. or just don''t need to instantly receive anything back from them, then the e-mail system will work out great. Another thoughtful thing to do is send your marriage partner articles or websites that concern his or her hobbies or interests. It shows that you still care and think about them and want them to be happy even when the two of you are apart.

3. Pay attention. When catching up on the phone or in e-mails, pay attention and really listen to what is being said. You''d be surprised at what can be uncovered! Now I''m not saying analyze everything that comes out of either of your mouths but if something jumps out at you or you keep hearing the same thing over and over again, you should probably consider that to be something important enough to explore further. For example, if you keep hearing about visits to say, Starbucks, and there''s no indication that your spouse is tired of it, maybe you should make arrangements to meet at one. The next time he or she is there without you, that special visit you two shared will be on his or her mind and therefore mentally connecting the two of you when you can''t be in the physical company of one another.

4. Cherish the time you talk to them. A phone conversation or e-mail may be occasional in your marriage so don''t be afraid to say what''s on your mind. Yes, there is a time and place for everything and judging that is a whole other subject but if you feel a specific time is appropriate for what you have to say, then say it! You married your fiancé to share a life together and bond on many levels so why hide your true feelings? The key here is confidence. If you feel that strongly about something, your enthusiasm will show through and at least that much will be respected. All I''m saying is don''t hold back too much because you never know when you''ll get another chance to speak your mind or show your appreciation.

5. Cherish the time you spend together. This may happen even less if the two of you are on opposing schedules so make it high quality and top priority when the plans do come up. You don''t necessarily have to go out though. Maybe you could spend a quiet night at home with no cell phones and minimal connection to the outside world. Okay, maybe that seems like a lot to ask but think of it this way, the more distractions, the less continuous the connection will be between the two of you, which will lessen the quality of your time together. If you do want to go out, maybe you could go to a favorite restaurant or see a movie starring one of your commonly admired actors. The more special the activities are that you two share as a couple, the easier it will be to do your own individual tasks. Even if you''re dog-tired be thankful you have someone to share a love with and to spend time with whatever time of the day or night it is.

These are just a few simple tips that are fairly easy to utilize and benefit from. If you want to re-ignite the spark between you and your marriage partner, take this invaluable marriage advice. There is so much to gain from the help offered here and it only requires a small amount of effort to put the suggestions to use. I''m giving you this match; now it''s your job to strike it, see the flames it will produce, and save your marriage!

===============================================
© 2004 Kristin Craft. You may freely distribute this article in your newsletter, on your website or in your print publication provided you include the copyright and resource box at the end. Hyperlinks should remain active whenever possible. Notification would be appreciated but not required.

Kristin Craft is the owner and webmaster of Marriage-Success which provides helpful tips and resources for married couples and those considering marriage. Couples that are experiencing difficulties in the marriage can especially benefit by visiting Save My Marriage ===============================================', 178, 'Restore Your Marriage - 5 Ways to Feel Connected to Your Spouse Even on Opposite Schedules, Marriage-Wedding, Marriage-Wedding articles, Marriage-Wedding information, about Marriage-Wedding, what is Marriage-Wedding, Marriage & Wedding Information', 'Restore Your Marriage - 5 Ways to Feel Connected to Your Spouse Even on Opposite Schedules plus articles and information on Marriage-Wedding

Wedding Weekend Activities

Weekend weddings are becoming more popular, particularly as families are spread further apart. They usually begin on Friday night, continue with the wedding Saturday and conclude with a post-wedding breakfast on Sunday before everyone returns home.

Planning activities for these weekend-long celebrations doesn't have to be difficult; in fact, it can be quite a bit of fun if you keep everyone's needs in mind. First, consider the wedding. Will this be a formal wedding with a sit-down dinner at its center? If so, you might want to ban a formal rehearsal dinner and replace it instead with an informal barbecue dinner or picnic.

But how will you keep people occupied during the long weekend? There are many activities to consider. Will the wedding be near a lake? How about planning a day at the lake on Saturday, filled with pre-wedding activities like swimming races and beach volleyball.

One popular pre-wedding activity is a scavenger hunt. Prior to the wedding weekend, a list of meaningful items should be drawn up, and guests placed in two teams. The list should include things like "get a brochure from the jewelry store where (groom) bought (bride)'s ring" or "take a picture of the group at the location where the couple got engaged". You will have to tailor the scavenger hunt list to the location of the wedding and the energy of the guests who will be participating.

You can even offer lavish prizes for the team that wins the scavenger hunt, such as gift certificates or gourmet food and wine baskets. It might seem an obvious choice to divide the teams into groups who know or are related to the bride and teams who know or are related to the groom, but it might be a little more fun to mix it up a bit. You can create teams of friends versus family, or men versus women (always a popular choice).

Another activity that's popular during wedding weekends is a competitive sport activity, such as baseball or flag football. Again, add a special twist. Offer prizes for performance (first home run gets a kiss from the bride) or make silly rules, like members of the bridal party have to wear tiaras while running bases or members of the groom's family should always have their shirts on backwards.

It's important that during the wedding weekend, planners keep in mind that the weekend itself might be expensive for some guests, particularly those who had to fly in for the occasion and many of the activities should be free, or inexpensive. If they are more expensive, and planned for the entire group, they should be paid for by either the bride and groom or their families.

But there are plenty of activities that don't have to be expensive, but can provide big bang for the little buck, such as the scavenger hunt suggested above. If the wedding weekend guests will mostly be family, you can schedule a home movie-viewing event, including home movies from both the bride and groom's families. For even more fun, consider an activity where the movies are mixed up and the guests have to guess which family's videos they are watching. This might sound easy, but depending on the contents, it could be hard, particularly if the bride and groom are babies in the photos.

Common Format Of A Wedding Reception

The following article can be copied but you must keep about the author section.

Common format of a wedding reception:

• Arrival of guests at hall
• Introduction of wedding party
• Introduction of bride and groom
• Blessing
• Meal
• Cake Cutting
• Toasts
• Bride & Groom''s First Dance
• Father & Daughter''s Dance
• Mother & Groom''s Dance
• Special Dances
• Bouquet and Garter Toss
• Dancing and Fun

Arrival of guests at reception site
Typically, a wedding lasts about 15 minutes. However, some guests do arrive early to the reception. Therefore, be sure all reception to-dos are complete by the start time of the wedding. Also, all wedding vendors should be wearing proper attire for early arriving and late staying guests. All tables should be set-up including cake table, entertainment''s table, sign-in table, food tables, and tables with chairs for all guests. If you have a seating arrangement, all seating lists should be at the reception with everyone''s name with where they are sitting.

Introduction of wedding party
This step is not mandatory, but it is nice for everyone to know who the wedding party is as many have not met before your wedding. Create a "Reception Planning Guide" and give this to your master of ceremonies prior to your wedding. This details, among other things, the order of entrance into the reception site with their names and titles. The order of entrance is as follows: parents of the bride, parents of the groom, ushers with bridesmaids, flower girl and ring bearer, special guests, best man, maid/matron of honor, bride and groom. In addition, review the pronunciations of the wedding party''s names with the master of ceremonies.

Introduction of bride and groom
This is always the last of the introductions. Everyone should stand before the bride and groom enter. In addition, a special song can be arranged with the music entertainment and a special announcement made to punctuate a true grand entrance. Also, inform the master of ceremonies how you would like to be introduced: Mr. and Mrs. Smith or John and Jane Doe.

Blessing
This is another step that is not mandatory, but for the religious couples makes a nice setting. If you invite the person who performed the marriage ceremony to the reception, I would recommend having them conduct the blessing. If they are not able to attend, a parent or family friend is a good idea. Lastly, the master of ceremonies could give the meal blessing. Be sure to communicate with whomever is giving the blessing in advance so they are prepared to give a personal touch.

Meal
It''s time to eat! Bride and Groom, be sure to stop and take a moment to eat. This may be your only chance in the day. In addition, it is customary for the bride and groom to start the food line. Most guests know to wait until the bride and groom start the food line. So don''t be late!

Cake Cutting
This is the traditional bride and groom making the first cut on their wedding cake. Then, the bride feeds half of the piece of cake to the groom and the groom feeds the remaining half to the bride. The cutting of the cake is a ceremony intended to symbolize the caring and sharing for one another. Forks may be used as they make the image very attractive for the photographer. Forks may also minimize the possibility of someone being hurt with the more playful squashing that sometimes happens.

Toasts
The toast is when the bride and groom toast each other then interlock arms and drink. Immediately following, the best man and maid/matron of honor make toasts to the bridal couple. Be prepared for other family and friends to follow with their toasts too.

Bride & Groom''s First Dance
The Bride & Groom''s Dance is the first dance between a bride and groom as a married couple. The dance is also commonly known as the "First Dance". The timing of the bride groom dance can vary in the evening based on your preferences. The first dance can be done immediately following the grand entrance with the wedding party circling the dance.

Father & Daughter''s Dance
The Father & Daughter''s Dance or the Father Bride Dance is the dance between the father(s) of the bride and the bride. Brides, if you have more than one father in your life, one can tap the other on the shoulder in the middle of the dance so you can dance with both of them. If you do not have a father, a common substitute is a father figure or even your brother would make a very nice gesture.

Mother & Groom''s Dance
The Mother & Groom''s dance is the dance between the mother(s) of the groom and the groom. Grooms, if you have more than one mother in your life, one can tap the other on the shoulder in the middle of the dance so you can dance with both of them. If you do not have a mother, a common substitute is a mother figure or even your sister would make a very nice gesture.

Special Dances
There may be songs in your life that mean dear to your heart. You can ask the music entertainment to play these songs during the night or immediately following the formal dances. An example would be: If someone dear to you passed recently, you may ask the music entertainment to play Angels Among Us by Alabama.

Bouquet and Garter Toss
The traditional tossing of the bouquet is when the bride tosses the bridal bouquet to all single women in attendance. Immediately following the bouquet tossing, a chair is set in the middle of the dance floor. The chair is for the bride to sit and the groom to remove the bride''s garter from her leg. The traditional tossing of the garter is when the groom tosses the bride''s garter to all the single men in attendance. The people whom catch the garter and bouquet are said to be the next one to marry.

Dancing and Fun
This is what you pay the music entertainment to do...get people to dance and have a good time. Give the music entertainment music examples and limitations of what type of music you want but don''t give them a list of 100 songs they need to play.

About The Author: ã Matt Campbell is the owner and webmaster for Weddingmuseum.com. Weddingmuseum.com is a place to plan, book and rate your wedding day. You can email him at matt@weddingmuseum.com or visit WeddingMuseum.com', 178, 'Common Format Of A Wedding Reception, Marriage-Wedding, Marriage-Wedding articles, Marriage-Wedding information, about Marriage-Wedding, what is Marriage-Wedding, Marriage & Wedding Information', 'Common Format Of A Wedding Reception plus articles and information on Marriage-Wedding

Terrific Advice Concerning Destination Weddings As Shared By Two Gurus On The Topic

Today Norm Goldman, Editor of Sketchandtravel.com & Bookpleasures.com is pleased to have as a guest, Denise and Alan Fields, authors of BRIDAL BARGAINS and the BRIDAL PASSPORT WEDDING PLANNER. Both are in bookstores nationwide or you can order online at WINDSORPEAK.COM.

The Fields have been featured on the TODAY SHOW, OPRAH and DATELINE NBC.

Thanks Denise and Alan for accepting our invitation to be interviewed.

Norm:

Please tell our readers how you started writing about weddings and why did you want to write about this subject matter?

Denise and Alan:

We began writing in 1989 as we were planning our own wedding; yep, we are still married today. As two starving college students in Austin, Texas, we quickly realized planning a wedding was a darn expensive endeavour. We wanted to know how to save money but still have a nice wedding without getting ripped off. We heard the horror stories from our friends and decided the world needed a consumer''s guide to tying the knot. Bridal Bargains, our first wedding book, was the result of that effort it was first published in 1990 and now is in its 7th edition, with 500,000 copies sold. Our latest book, the Bridal Passport wedding planner (the Dollars & Sense Guide to Planning a Wedding) was published in December 2004.

Norm:

What in your opinion makes for a wonderful and unique wedding experience, where everyone would be left with fond memories? As a follow up, do you have to spend a great deal of money to have such a memorable experience?

Denise and Alan:

Think about the best weddings you have ever attended and what made them so memorable? Chances are it was a FUN event first and foremost. That might have been a combination of several factors, a unique setting, a great band, and so on. Focus on those factors when planning your own wedding. Conversely, realize there are many parts of a wedding that are expensive, but contribute little to the fun aspect of a wedding flowers, for example.

No, you don''t have to go bankrupt to plan a memorable wedding! Yes, you may have to make a series of trade-offs to pull it off, but you can save and still have a fantastic wedding. Example: instead of a fancy downtown hotel, you can rent a historic home that lets you bring in your own caterer. That enables you to hold the total cost down, way under what the hotel would charge. The key: you save money in ways your guests don''t see. A bottle of house wine from a hotel might be $50; that same bottle from a wholesale club like Sam''s or Costco would run $10. Do you guests know the difference? No.

A destination wedding is another great way to save and you have a special setting for your wedding, without all the cost of a domestic affair.

Norm:

What tips would you have for destination brides who plan to bring along a wedding party? It''s a growing trend for destination weddings to now have a fairly sizeable wedding party sometimes about 50, so it would be great to get their tips on group airline discounts, hotel blocks.

Denise and Alan:

Good news: the travel biz has awakened to the destination-wedding trend. As a result, many airlines and resorts have special discount packages for those planning a wedding. Airlines, for example, are courting destination weddings with special group discounts. Many resorts now have on-staff wedding planners to ease planning; and special discount rates for blocks of rooms.

The best advice: work with the airlines group booking department and/or the resort''s meeting planners. And always double check to make sure any special rate you get is really a deal and simply price the same stay or fare on a travel web site. Most travel companies honestly offer groups a better deal than regular travelers; but it always makes sense to double check.

Norm:

Could you tell us something about the advantages and disadvantages pertaining to different unique venue weddings as: beach, park, museum, mountain ski lodge, tent, train, yacht, and other sometimes off- the- wall sites? (Perhaps you can add a few of your own.)

Denise and Alan:

Name a destination and you can get married there---ski buffs can take their vows on a mountain top in Telluride, beach fans on the white sands of Aruba and so on. The key advantage of a destination wedding: you are already in the place where you will honeymoon. That cuts down on the travel, as you just travel once to both the wedding and honeymoon.

With all unique venues and destination weddings, the biggest trade-off is control. You will have to trust a wedding planner at the venue to help coordinate the details. And that means not being a control freak. Many tropical venues may offer a stunning setting, but slim pickings when it comes to finding a photographer (there may just be one or two on an island). Ditto for other remote locales, like a ski resort.

Norm:

If you had to choose 5 ideal geographic wedding destinations from the point of view of ambiance, costs, etc, which ones would you chose and why?

Denise and Alan:

Hawaii is probably the best combo of both ambience and ease of use and no changing dollars into a foreign currency, a very developed tourist biz and so on. Specifically, we would recommend the north shore of Kauai in the summer; Maui or the Big Island in the winter.

Mexico offers the best value for the dollar. A falling dollar has made foreign travel pricey just about everywhere, but the peso remains a relative bargain for Americans. Resorts like Cabo, Cancun and Puerto Vallarta offer that beach wedding (and Caribbean water) at a discount price. Top pick: Cozumel, for its excellent snorkelling.

Telluride is our favorite mountain resort to tie the knot, summer or winter. Winter lets you enjoy a world-class ski mountain; summer is hiking, white water rafting. A selection of the top restaurants makes this a winner year around.

Orlando is among the best bargains going and most airlines offer deals on air/hotel packages here and the raft of entertainment options is second to none. And its more than just Disney . . . you will find Universal, Sea World and a plethora of water parks.

Norm:

Do you have any tips as to how couples can get the best value for their dollar when they are honeymooning?

Denise and Alan:

Two words: shoulder season. The shoulder season is the space between high and low seasons. No, you probably don''t want to go to a tropical isle in August. How about April? In the Caribbean, you can find great deals in the shoulder season after Easter but before summer vacation times.

Hawaii is cheapest rate after New Year''s until mid March, when spring break crowds end deals. Deals also abound in Hawaii in the fall, from Labor Day until just before Christmas. Hence, November would be a great time to go for a honeymoon.

Fall is also a great time to visit the wine country of California or the Rocky Mountains on a honeymoon.

Norm:

What are the 5 most important factors, cost-wise, a future bride and groom should bear in mind when planning their wedding and why?

Denise and Alan:

Location, guest count, time of day and wedding style are the most important budget factors. Some thoughts:

Location: Where do you envision the wedding? Reception? The location will drive much of the cost. A hotel reception is much more expensive than a home wedding, for example.

Guest count. A no brainer this clearly impacts the budget!

Time of day. A 2pm wedding is much less expensive than an evening affair, Why? Guests already have had lunch and are not expecting dinner! Brunch or lunch reception are also less expensive than dinner.

Wedding style: Do you have envision a garden wedding? A beach-side ceremony? Or a formal Catholic mass? The style of your wedding is a major driver of costs.

Norm:

How does one go about finding out about the different marriage regulations around the world? Is there a web site that we can click on et voilà we have the answer?

Denise and Alan:

Wish there was! Unfortunately, it takes a bit of surfing. Start by identifying which countries you are interested in: then Google their official tourism site. Most tourism bureaus now have wedding links on their front page . . . in a few clicks, you can find out the marriage requirements. Another idea: ask the concierge of the hotel or resort you are considering to be married at. Many now have wedding planners on staff.

Norm:

How does one go about checking on the reliability of a hotel or resort when it pertains to service, food, etc especially if the hotel or resort is located in another state, province or country?

Denise and Alan:

The web! Most wedding sites (including ours, bridalbargiansbook.com) have online message boards. You can chat with other brides and find other couples who have been married where you are considering . . . yes, that is possible! Of course, you can always ask for references from the resort, but this can be unreliable. Sites like tripadvisor.com have detailed reviews of resorts by travellers and that can be very helpful.

Best wishes,

Alan & Denise

For over thirty- five years, Norm practiced as a Title Attorney and Civil Law Notary in Montreal, Canada. After his retirement from the legal profession, Norm pursued two of his passions - book reviewing and travel writing, implementing many of his research skills he had been practicing for 35 years.

Norm and his wife Lily are a unique husband and wife team, writer and water colorist, who write and paint about romantic destinations and wedding destinations.

Basically, they meld art and words in order to create an unusual travel story, which generates interest, particularly because of the fact that each painting appears to have been ''custom-made'' for the story-original story and original art. Combining the watercolors with travel writing provides a softer, more romantic look at the places they visit.

As they specialize in web-based content, their articles and water- colors are featured on their own site, Sketchandtravel.Com, as well as several other sites.

You can learn more about Norm and Lily by visiting their site: http://www.sketchandtravel.com', 178, 'Terrific Advice Concerning Destination Weddings As Shared By Two Gurus On The Topic, Marriage-Wedding, Marriage-Wedding articles, Marriage-Wedding information, about Marriage-Wedding, what is Marriage-Wedding, Marriage & Wedding Information', 'Terrific Advice Concerning Destination Weddings As Shared By Two Gurus On The Topic plus articles and information on Marriage-Wedding

It's Never Too Early to Renew Your Wedding Vows

When you think about couples who renew their wedding vows, chances are you''re not picturing anyone under the age of 50. But the truth is that it''s never too early to renew your vows ? especially if you didn''t get to do exactly what you wanted the first time around. I''m talking about those couples that really wanted to write their own vows, but that got talked out of doing it by family, friends (or even themselves) for a whole host of reasons that "sounded good" at the time.

Does This Sound Like You?

Rick and Holly were recently married, and as much as their day was truly memorable, there was one aspect that really bothered them -- their wedding vows. Like many modern-day engaged couples, they wished to write their own vows to make their exchange of love more romantic and personal. However, they were talked out of the idea by Holly''s mother and her maid of honor, Karen.

Holly''s mother believed that writing their own wedding vows was going against tradition, which would be frowned upon by many of the guests attending the ceremony, while Karen felt that writing personal wedding vows was tacky and likely to be longwinded.

Holly carefully considered the opinion of each woman, both of whom she respected and loved very much, as they had been wonderful and exceptionally helpful during the planning of her wedding. She discussed the situation with Rick and found out that he, too, was having mixed feelings about writing their own vows. It seemed his brother Jim and sister-in law Deborah also expressed their distaste concerning the idea.

With a heavy sigh, both Rick and Holly decided that it would probably be best not write their own wedding vows. They tossed away brainstorming ideas, and although neither of them would admit it to the other, they were equally feeling miserable about abandoning their original plan to create their own vows.

Now, here they were, happily married, and yet feeling cheated out of the wedding they had always wanted. Why had they listened to others instead of their own hearts?

Why Not Renew Your Vows on Your Honeymoon? (Yes, Your Honeymoon!)

That is when Rick had a clever idea: what if they renewed their wedding vows on their honeymoon? Holly brightened at this thought, and after a moment of consideration it was settled. Both of them carefully composed personal thoughts that they wished to share with the other, and set the day when they would renew their vows.

Afterwards, Rick and Holly were able to ignore the regret they once felt, as they now had new memories born from the second chance of being able to express the everlasting words of love they had always wanted to share in the presence of others.

If you are one of the unfortunate victims who have listened to others and went with traditional wedding vows instead of your original plan of writing out your own, you can stop regretting and start renewing. That''s right; you can have the wedding you originally wanted by simply renewing your wedding vows.

You will discover that renewing your wedding vows is not a difficult process, and could be even more romantic than the first time you were married. A renewal of vows is a beautiful decision, because it is like saying to your spouse, "I love you even more than the day we were married, and if I had the choice, I would marry you all over again because I can''t imagine my life without you in it. You are the only one for me, and I want the whole world to know."

If this sounds like something you''re interested in, try searching on the Internet for places that cater to "destination weddings." After all, you want this to be a special moment ? just as special as the day you were originally married.

And in terms of getting down to the business of actually personalizing the words you''re going to say, products like The Ultimate Wedding Vow Toolkit (which I created ? more info at http://www.weddingvowtoolkit.com) will walk you through the process step by step.

Good luck?and this time, don''t let anyone talk you out of what you truly want to do!

Chris Simeral is the creator of The Ultimate Wedding Vow Toolkit, a downloadable, step-by-step manual for couples personalizing (or renewing) their wedding vows. Sign up for the free wedding vow mini-course at http://www.WeddingVowToolkit.com.', 178, 'It?s Never Too Early to Renew Your Wedding Vows, Marriage-Wedding, Marriage-Wedding articles, Marriage-Wedding information, about Marriage-Wedding, what is Marriage-Wedding, Marriage & Wedding Information', 'It?s Never Too Early to Renew Your Wedding Vows plus articles and information on Marriage-Wedding

Conquer the Five Most Common Fears About Your Wedding Ceremony

It''s safe to say that of all the important events in your lifetime, your wedding day is certain to be right up there with those that are the most meaningful. And throughout the entire wedding day ? the preparations, the ceremony, the reception, and the wedding night ? the moment when you recite your wedding vows to each other is the most meaningful. It is a time that you will remember forever, exactly as it felt: a sublime, dreamlike fantastical moment, when everyone significant to you is watching as you join in wedlock with the most important individual in your life.

Conquering Your Fears

Since this is such a unique and central moment to your romantic life, you''re probably wondering how it is that you''ll make the experience better than that 10th grade public-speaking assignment where you blanked out halfway through and fainted in front of all of your peers. Begin by telling yourself that it is perfectly natural to feel nervous when speaking in public. Moreover, not everyone is born with perfect public-speaking skills that accurately demonstrate what they feel in their hearts. However, fortunately for the majority of us, these things can be learned.

Of course, being well-prepared and armed with wedding vows you know are the absolute best they could possibly be is one of the easiest ways to overcome these fears. How do I know? Because the home-study course I put together, The Ultimate Wedding Vow Toolkit, has helped hundreds of couples take the fear out of their wedding ceremony by giving them the tools they need to write truly amazing wedding vows. You can find out more about the kit at http://www.weddingvowtoolkit.com.

But beyond that, when you think logically about each of these fears, you''ll realize there is nothing that cannot be overcome with a bit of care, technique, and practice. Let''s take a realistic look at these five incredibly common worries. In a few minutes, you''ll see that none of them are likely to spoil your ceremony.

Common Fear #1: Freezing Up

This is a direct result of being excessively nervous. Therefore, it''s important to come up with some calming techniques that will help you to keep cool. It''s only natural to be a bit nervous. In fact, the added rush from being a little on the anxious side can actually help you to speak better and with added feeling. The best technique that you can give yourself is breathing. Most often, when we are overly frightened, we either breathe much too quickly or we hold our breath. Therefore, as you''re keeping yourself calm, concentrate on breathing smoothly, neither too fast or too slow, but regularly, in through your nose and out through your mouth. Practice a few times in advance, especially in other situations that you''ve found a bit stressful in the past. You''ll be surprised at what an enormous difference something as simple as breathing can do for you.

Common Fear #2: Going Blank

This is another trick played by your overly-nervous brain. To stop yourself from becoming so nervous that you go blank, or even to remove any fear that you may go blank, bring a "backup" copy of your wedding vows on cue cards that you can slip into your pocket. Make sure they are very crisp and neat looking so that you won''t hesitate to use them if you have to, and write clearly on them so that you won''t get stuck due to sloppiness.

Common Fear #3: Blushing, Dry Mouth, and Shaking.

These are extremely common physical responses to being nervous and having to perform in front of others. However, even if they do begin to occur, you can bring yourself to a calmer state where these physical symptoms will begin to fade. Try to ignore blushing and shaking as much as possible and just concentrate on your vows and how much you love the person to whom you are making those vows. With regards to dry mouth, drink lots of water beforehand, and try not to think about it. As long as you concentrate on what you''re doing, instead of the fact that you are blushing, shaking, or have a dry mouth, they will actually begin to resolve themselves quite quickly.

Common Fear #4: Having Someone Heckle

This is a common fear, but it simply doesn''t happen at weddings. Remind yourself that everyone there with you is hoping the very best for you and your future spouse. They are all nervous right along with you and wouldn''t dream of saying anything but best wishes for your future together. The closest they will come to "heckling" is sending a mental prayer to provide you the strength and the courage to continue so that you may enjoy long and happy lives together.

Common Fear #5: Being Judged

The people attending your wedding are all people who know you, like or love you, and who wish you the very best. They know how much adrenaline is running through your system as you say your wedding vows, and wouldn''t judge you at a time like that; except to think about how well suited you are to the love of your life.

Chris Simeral''s Ultimate Wedding Vow Toolkit has helped hundreds of people across the U.S., Canada, and Great Britain compose completely personalized and ultra-romantic wedding vows. Find out more at http://www.WeddingVowToolkit.com.', 178, 'Conquer the Five Most Common Fears About Your Wedding Ceremony, Marriage-Wedding, Marriage-Wedding articles, Marriage-Wedding information, about Marriage-Wedding, what is Marriage-Wedding, Marriage & Wedding Information', 'Conquer the Five Most Common Fears About Your Wedding Ceremony plus articles and information on Marriage-Wedding

Writing Your Wedding Vows the Way Poets Do

Let''s face it, not many of us have the kind of skills or experience to write truly poetic wedding vows. Or do we? Here''s the truth: Even if you don''t know Dylan Thomas from Bob Dylan, and you''re pretty sure T.S. Elliot was that guy who wrote the words to Andrew Lloyd Weber''s "Cats," all is not lost! In fact, there are ways to learn to write the words you want. With four simple steps, you can take what you feel in your heart and make it come out as sweetly as any Shakespearian sonnet.

Step 1: Decide on a theme

Finding a theme should arguably be the easiest part of writing poetry for your wedding vows. But you don''t want to be stuck with something trite or cliché, even though the theme of romantic love is probably the oldest known for poetry. There are lots of ways to avoid writing the same old "roses are red, violets are blue" type of poem. One trick the pros use is to envision what a newspaper article about your relationship would say. Would it discuss how and where you met? How your relationship has stayed strong, even during the hard times? What your love has meant to one another? Since newspaper articles get right to the point, this exercise can help you pick out an overriding theme for your vows.

Step 2: Allow time for reverie

No, not "revelry" (hopefully that will be what your wedding day is all about), but reverie ? a quiet time devoted to a kind of dreamy meditation. Try some tricks for allowing yourself time to truly think about your poem -- and not just those things that allow you to "act like a poet." Go for a walk alone, listen to instrumental music, or simply shut the door to a room in your house and ask not to be disturbed. The most important thing to remember with any of these methods is that you don''t let other people interrupt your time.

Step 3: Choose your topic

Theme, as discussed above, is the driving idea behind your poem. The topic, however, is the specific vehicle you use to express the theme. While finding the theme should be the easiest part of writing a poem for your wedding, finding a topic that isn''t hackneyed and trite can be a challenge. For instance, love is your theme, but the beauty of your betrothed''s eyes may be the topic. You are using the example of her eyes as the symbol for your love. The key is to find something new. There''s something that makes your chosen one special, be it appearance, wit, or style. That''s the topic you want to choose. Poets use tools like automatic writing, journals, or "dream work" to come up with topics for their prose. (These tools are all discussed in detail in the home-study course I put together for couples personalizing their wedding vows ? visit http://www.WeddingVowToolkit.com for more info.) But anything that allows you to spark your creativity can suffice if you''re short on time.

Step 4: Pick Your Style

As many different poems as there are, there are almost an equal number of styles in which they are written. There are traditional forms, modern, post modern, and many more. You can work on fitting your rough draft poem into one of these many forms, or you can go with no form at all. The benefit of working on an art form is that there are no hard and fast rules on what the end product must look like. Perhaps you''d like to try your hand at penning your vows in the form of a Shakespearean sonnet. Or, to go a completely different route, maybe "experimental" is right up your alley. No matter what you choose, just make sure it fits your style. After all, personalizing your wedding vows means just that ? they should be personal, not forced to fit into a style that just isn''t "you."

Chris Simeral is the creator of The Ultimate Wedding Vow Toolkit, the wedding-coordinator-approved home-study course for couples personalizing or renewing their wedding vows. Learn more at http://www.WeddingVowToolkit.com.', 178, 'Writing Your Wedding Vows the Way Poets Do, Marriage-Wedding, Marriage-Wedding articles, Marriage-Wedding information, about Marriage-Wedding, what is Marriage-Wedding, Marriage & Wedding Information', 'Writing Your Wedding Vows the Way Poets Do plus articles and information on Marriage-Wedding

The SURGE of the URGE!

Have you ever heard the expression, "The Urge to Merge"?

It is a term relating to sexuality and marriage. The "URGE" symbolizes sexual interest, and the "MERGE" symbolizes marriage union.

We see it all around us!

Late night TV bombards us with sexual images and sensual content. Commercials that have nothing to do with sex use a sensual foundation to market to the masses. More than ever in history our minds seem to be more interested in the sex-drive channel than in channeling the sex-drive.

We call this, "The SURGE of the URGE".

Let''s travel back in time about sixty years before we became so technologically advanced and started opening up the bedroom door for anyone with an appetite and "prying eyes". Many of the older generation know of what time I speak! Back when some things were still considered sacred and "The SURGE of the URGE" was yet in the future.

It used to be that life was about marriage and family principles. It used to be that faith and family were the criteria for determining life success. In other words, it was about the "MERGE". Family and relationship building principles for living was the norm.

Then came The Beatles, Elvis, Rock-and-Roll and yes, Hugh Hefner and Playboy.

Gradually our society began to shift its thinking and embrace a mindset for the "URGE" itself. The sexual revolution stepped onto the horizon, and "The SURGE of the URGE" was born and became the focus.

Sadly, and to our demise I might add, the "MERGE" has been placed on the shelf and in many cases mocked and ridiculed.

For over fifty years now we have been a world dominated with a fascination for the "URGE".

Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler, Strip Clubs, Porn Movies, Girls Gone Wild, Spring Break, Wild On, etc. The Music Industry lyrics display this same "URGE" mentality and, of course, let''s not forget the recent Halftime Super Bowl antics.

We even went through a time in recent history where the "URGE" became the main topic of conversation surrounding the Presidency of the United States.

Maybe, instead of just enacting and enforcing laws and high-dollar fines...maybe, instead of just issues of censorship...maybe, instead of just battling it out in the boardroom and courtroom...maybe we should do something so foreign as to go back to the shelf, dust off the idea that marriage and family life is where it''s really at and get our focus back on the importance of the "MERGE".

Being wanted for a "Night of a Lifetime" can never fully satisfy, fulfill or replace the greatest longing of our hearts for being wanted for a "Lifetime of Nights".

Let''s all consider taking the "MERGE" down from the shelf. Marriage and family life will always play the greatest role in our civilization.

The greatest gift we will ever give the world is a stable home.

(C)Copyright 2004 Stanley J. Leffew

All Rights Reserved!

Stanley J. Leffew is the Author of, "How To Be Wanted For a Lifetime of Nights and Not Just a Night of a Lifetime". His website is based on this same theme. Find out for yourself why feeding desire and leading-with-the-body in life and relationships fails to satisfy the longing of the human heart to connect at http://advice-for-lifetime-relationships.com.', 178, 'The SURGE of the URGE!, Marriage-Wedding, Marriage-Wedding articles, Marriage-Wedding information, about Marriage-Wedding, what is Marriage-Wedding, Marriage & Wedding Information', 'The SURGE of the URGE! plus articles and information on Marriage-Wedding

How to Make Your Wedding Vows Something You?ll Remember Forever

If you''re going the increasingly popular route of personalizing your own wedding vows, you''re probably looking for some tips to make your vows as special, meaningful, and eloquent as you can. This is something that will take time beforehand so that you can prepare yourself and become completely comfortable with what you''re saying. Remember, you''re not just saying pretty words, you''re stating your wedding vows -- words from the heart that aim to express if only a fraction of how important this bond of love is to you.

The most important thing you can do is to rehearse your vows until you know them like the back of your hand. Work towards making the words sound as though they are as natural as if you''d thought them up right there, and were speaking from that little touch of Shakespeare in your brain. This will diminish hesitancy and constant note-reading, and will give a much more heartfelt impression.

Here are some other tips:

* Come up with certain "landmarks" within your vows that will act as mental cues to help you to continue without pausing to remember what comes next.

* Rehearse your vows out loud, until you feel completely "conversationally comfortable" with them. This will make you feel secure in your words, and will help you to concentrate more on the way you are saying them, instead of just remembering what you are saying. Rehearsing your vows out loud will also help you to trust yourself more with the words you''ve chosen, and you will feel much less artificial when the time comes that you are saying them to your future spouse.

* Keep eye contact with your future spouse. This is not only romantic to watch for those attending the wedding, but it will be all the more meaningful to your true love. And what''s more, you''ll find yourself feeling the full emotional force of your words as you gaze adoringly into the eyes of the one who is gazing adoringly back at you.

* Speak clearly, and be sure of your pronunciation before you get up in front of everyone.

* Remember that you aren''t the only one who is nervous. Smile lovingly, hold hands if it is appropriate, and truly feel the words that you''re saying. Let your future spouse feel at ease because you love him or her just that much.

* Keep a good mental attitude. Don''t think to yourself, "How am I going to survive this?" Instead, think, "This is it; I''m joining with the person I love. This is the best day of my life."

* Vary your voice tonality and speed as you say your vows. This helps you to convey energy when you need to, and when you slow down a bit, you''ll show true heart.

Practice your vows, be ready to say them, and you''ll find that you''ll be much less frightened, much more thrilling and, above all, a true romantic. You''ll enjoy yourself a great deal more and will remember this tremendous moment forever.

Chris Simeral is the creator of The Ultimate Wedding Vow Toolkit, the wedding-coordinator-approved home-study course for couples personalizing or renewing their wedding vows. Couples from all over the United States, Great Britain, Canada and New Zealand have used the kit to create truly memorable and romantic wedding vows. Sign up for the free wedding vow mini-course at http://www.weddingvowtoolkit.com.', 178, 'How to Make Your Wedding Vows Something You?ll Remember Forever, Marriage-Wedding, Marriage-Wedding articles, Marriage-Wedding information, about Marriage-Wedding, what is Marriage-Wedding, Marriage & Wedding Information', 'How to Make Your Wedding Vows Something You?ll Remember Forever plus articles and information on Marriage-Wedding

Second Marriages. Estate Planning Concerns

One of the biggest areas of dispute in estate planning is with second marriages. Here is a question I received. I''ve changed the facts around so that I am not giving specific legal advice.

Phil,

My dad, age 87, is getting married soon so that his new wife will be eligible for social security benefits on his earnings. In his living trust he had made arrangements for me, my sister, and his lady friend. What changes for us, his kids, when he marries this lady? What do we need to know?

Wow, what a predicament.

My first reaction is to ask if his father was entering into a marital agreement (a pre-nuptial agreement, or pre-nup) before the marriage. What a pre-nuptial agreement will allow is for his father to maintain control over the use and disposition of his estate.

Without a pre-nuptial agreement, the laws of their state concerning marital property will control.

What this means is that if his father dies after he re-marries and fails to modify his estate plan, his new wife may receive statutory claims or benefits from the father''s estate (each state is different, so it is critical to receive local advice).

Another area of concern is what happens if the father re-marries and then the wife becomes incompetent? By getting married, the father has opened up his net worth to the medical claims and needs of his new wife.

When I was in active practice and was consulted by a widowed client who wanted to re-marry, I reviewed the rules concerning long term health (nursing home rules and costs) with him. I showed him what he would be responsible for if they were to re-marry. I''d say 8 out of 10 people I saw and went over this with decided not to re-marry after learning the rules. They decided to "live in sin."

Another area of dispute I often saw was when the re-marrying parent wanted to change his or her estate plan to provide for the new spouse. This caused a lot of hard feelings. The children often felt that they were entitled to the estate of the first parent to die and that it should not be held for the new spouse.

By providing for the new spouse, the re-marrying parent is putting his children in a position where they are waiting for their "step-parent" to die before receiving what they felt is rightfully theirs.

So, think twice before re-marrying in your later years. Consult with competent legal counsel and consider, at a minimum using a pre-nuptial agreement. Consider the impact the new marriage will have on your revocable living trust and whether any changes are needed to your estate plan for Medicaid or estate tax reasons.

Phil Craig is a licensed attorney and entreprenuer. He started practicing law at age 25 in 1979. He does not take on any more clients, but is advisor to some of the biggest names in the internet world. He shares his knowledge gained over the last 25 years at his Living Trust Secrets newsletter site: click here=========>http://www.LivingTrustSecrets.com

** Attn Ezine editors / Site owners ** Feel free to reprint this article in its entirety in your ezine or on your site so long as you leave all links in place, do not modify the content and include our resource box as listed above.

If you do use the material please send us a note so we can take a look. Thanks.', 178, 'Second Marriages. Estate Planning Concerns, Marriage-Wedding, Marriage-Wedding articles, Marriage-Wedding information, about Marriage-Wedding, what is Marriage-Wedding, Marriage & Wedding Information', 'Second Marriages. Estate Planning Concerns plus articles and information on Marriage-Wedding

The High Cost of Resentment and Anger in Marriage

Many spouses carry heavy suitcases filled with a collection of anger and resentment from their marriage. Periodically, they unpack these suitcases and review every situation in which they feel they were treated unfairly.

"Resentment is an extremely bitter diet, and eventually poisonous. I have no desire to make my own toxins," declares Neil Kinnock. Hanging on to anger and resentment is toxic, and the resulting sludge can slowly poison you.

It''s easy to lose your perspective about the bigger picture and to be become obsessed with how things "should" have been and how others "should" have treated you. In your mind, you may visualize yourself zapping the other person with the perfect verbal comeback or having the opportunity to get even in some way. The more you let your mind gallop in this direction, the angrier you get and the more you feel self-righteous and justified in your reaction.

When you become mired in anger, resentment, blame, and revenge, you are only hurting yourself. In the process, you put yourself at risk for experiencing health problems, sleeping difficulties, depression, relationship rifts, and daily agitation. You automatically increase your stress level and decrease your enjoyment of life. And the longer you carry a grudge, the heavier it gets.

Nothing you do to try to find inner peace will be effective when you are filled with anger and resentment. "If we have not peace within ourselves, it is in vain to seek it from outward sources," states Francois de La Rochefoucauld. As long as you hold on to bitter feelings, you are sabotaging yourself by destroying any chance that you can experience peace of mind.

Dr. Wayne Dyer, in "10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace," states: "It''s your ego that demands that the world and all the people in it be as you think they should be." He continues by saying, "It is perhaps the most healing thing that you can do to remove the low energies of resentment and revenge from your life completely." Dr. Dyer compares resentment to venom that continues to circulate in your system long after the snakebite has occurred. He emphasizes that it''s not the bite that kills you; it''s the venom.

What, then, is the antidote? How can you find peace of mind? How can you handle your feelings of anger and resentment from the experiences in your marriage? How can you create a peaceful marriage now?

The answer lies in letting go of resentment and practicing forgiveness. You can''t change what has happened, and you can''t control what your spouse chooses to do. But you do have control over the choices you make.

You can choose to cut the emotional bond that is keeping you tied to your anger and resentment. Instead, you can decide to experience the joy of freedom from the heavy burdens you have been carrying around for so long. To get the help you need in letting go of the past, you always have the option of asking a therapist or minister to assist you.

Thomas Fuller observes, "He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven." Without forgiveness, your life becomes an endless cycle of anger, resentment, and retaliation.

You practice forgiveness so that you can stop ruminating about the past and put your energy into the present moment. And you practice forgiveness so that you will be free from the poisonous effects of resentment.

Then, you can experience peace of mind and bring that inner peacefulness into your marriage. You will never have a peaceful marriage until you are at peace within yourself.

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don''t love you anymore!" The e-book is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com , where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Contact Nancy at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.', 178, 'The High Cost of Resentment and Anger in Marriage, Marriage-Wedding, Marriage-Wedding articles, Marriage-Wedding information, about Marriage-Wedding, what is Marriage-Wedding, Marriage & Wedding Information', 'The High Cost of Resentment and Anger in Marriage plus articles and information on Marriage-Wedding

Enhancing Communication in Marriage

In marriages, many arguments and hurt feelings can be traced back to communication problems. It''s not unusual for spouses to stay in a continual state of frustration, feeling misunderstood and unappreciated.

Unexpressed feelings can pile up and poison the relationship. When you repress your anger, it will always come out later, usually after something minor has upset you.

You may find that it''s difficult to have a complete conversation without you or your spouse leaving the room before the conflict is resolved. The emotional buttons that your spouse pushes in you can make you want to bolt and get away from your uncomfortable feelings and reactions.

Learning to communicate more effectively with your spouse requires that you be fully present and attentive. You have to be committed to really listening and hearing, not only with your ears but also with your heart. You want to eliminate any communication blocks that prevent you and your partner from growing in understanding and intimacy.

Communication blocks are anything that you do, verbally or non-verbally, to keep you from connecting deeply with another person. Some examples of communication blocks in marriage are:

* Rolling your eyes and looking resigned or exasperated when your spouse is talking;

* Sighing deeply and loudly when your spouse is sharing his/her viewpoint;

* Looking at your watch or a clock repeatedly;

* Not stopping what you''re doing when your spouse is trying to have a serious talk with you;

* Not making eye contact and not giving your partner your undivided attention;

* Using the time when your spouse is talking to think about other things unrelated to the conversation;

* Tuning your spouse out because you''ve heard the same thing repeatedly and are convinced it''s the same old speech;

* Becoming defensive and angry immediately instead of showing your partner the respect of hearing him/her out;

* Belittling your spouse, name calling, cursing, shaking or pointing a finger, or getting in his/ her face.

* Interrupting your partner before he/she is finished talking.

It has been said that for every minute you are angry with someone, you lose sixty seconds of happiness that you can never get back. It just makes good sense to do everything you can to preserve the good will and intimacy of your marriage when conflict, anger, hurt feelings, and disagreements occur.

If you truly love your partner, you will not want to rip him/her to shreds verbally, or to ignore or discount differing opinions and beliefs. You will want to do everything you can to insure that you have quality communication in your relationship and that you are communicating your caring, love, and respect to your spouse

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "The most important thing in any relationship is not what you get but what you give." While you cannot control how someone else will react to your efforts, you can commit to doing all you can to create a safe environment where intimacy can flourish.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don''t love you anymore!" The e-book is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com , where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Contact Nancy at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.', 178, 'Enhancing Communication in Marriage, Marriage-Wedding, Marriage-Wedding articles, Marriage-Wedding information, about Marriage-Wedding, what is Marriage-Wedding, Marriage & Wedding Information', 'Enhancing Communication in Marriage plus articles and information on Marriage-Wedding

How to Nurture Intimacy When Youre in a Long-Distance Marriage

The biggest problem long-distance spouses often face is how to keep emotional intimacy alive when they are separated. If you are in a long-distance marriage, you are probably already using email and the telephone as much as possible to stay in touch. But what else can you do to stay connected with your partner and not lose that special bond between you?

One suggestion is to take the extra time to also send "snail mail" greeting cards, letters, and postcards when possible. Buy an assortment of cards when you have a chance, and that will make it easier to send out one or two cards each week. Vary the type of cards that you send--some romantic, some funny. You could also send postcards to add variety and show scenes of the geographic area where you are working.

In your letters and emails, don''t only talk about what activities you''ve been involved in, but be sure to share your feelings about what''s going on in your life. Ask feeling-related questions, such as "Do you ever worry that one day we''ll have been married 20 years and we''ll discover that we don''t really know each other?" Also share memories and experiences from childhood and the years before you met.

Write your spouse a letter telling her (or him)what you love about her,what attracted you to her, what you admire about her, and why you want to stay married to her. Before you send it to her, make a copy for yourself and read it once a day to remind yourself of all the positives about your spouse. Ask her to do the same for you.

Look for ways to create reminders that will trigger thoughts of each other when you''re apart. For example, you might consider naming a star for your spouse at the International Star Registry (www.starregistry.com). Then, each starry night, you will both feel connected as you look for "your star."

You might come up with some other symbols to trigger your thoughts, such as agreeing to think of each other every time you see a certain type of bird. Or pick a car with special meaning and think of each other every time you see a red Camaro, for example. Perhaps you will both agree to listen to a certain song on a CD before you go to sleep each night, knowing the other person is doing the same thing.

Brainstorm about ways you can feel connected even when you''re not talking on the phone or emailing each other. Mail your husband (or wife) a tape of yourself reading a love poem or sweet letter you have written to him. Send small surprise gifts when you can. They don''t have to be expensive; they just need to show that you''re thinking of him.

You could order gifts of gourmet candy, nuts, popcorn, flowers, or other items from the Internet. Or you could give a magazine subscription to your spouse so she (or he) will think of you each time the publication arrives. Another idea is to send her a new CD that you think she''ll like or a paperback book.

Consider creating your own web site where you can post photos you both take with a digital camera. The pictures could show scenes from your life apart and also pictures from the times you are together. Over time, this would document your history as well as your current life as a couple. One site that provides free web hosting for family web sites is www.myfamily.com.

Other ideas include having a print shop like Kinko''s put a photograph of you and your spouse on coffee mugs, or having a photograph put on a T-shirt or sweatshirt for each of you. If you have some common interests in reading or listening to audio books, pick a book to read or listen to at the same time and then discuss it as you go along.

Put on your creative thinking cap and experiment to see what works best for the two of you. By using your imagination, you can deepen your emotional connection with your spouse, even though you''re physically separated by thousands of miles.

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don''t love you anymore!" The e-book is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com , where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Contact Nancy at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.', 178, 'How to Nurture Intimacy When Youre in a Long-Distance Marriage, Marriage-Wedding, Marriage-Wedding articles, Marriage-Wedding information, about Marriage-Wedding, what is Marriage-Wedding, Marriage & Wedding Information', 'How to Nurture Intimacy When Youre in a Long-Distance Marriage plus articles and information on Marriage-Wedding

New Findings on Happiness Have Implications for Rocky Marriages

Not only do individuals who follow Time Magazine''s "Eight Steps Toward a More Satisfying Life" suggestions (Time, January 17, 2005, p. A8-A9) increase their own level of happiness, they also increase the odds that they can keep their marriage.

The same actions that can lead to a more satisfying life are the ones that can help to improve a troubled marriage. Two of the Time suggestions are to count your blessings by keeping a gratitude journal and to learn to forgive.

These same steps are necessary to maximize a spouse''s efforts to cope with a marriage that is in danger of falling apart. In their book Keep Your Marriage: What To Do When Your Spouse says "I don''t love you anymore" co-authors Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D. and Lee Hefner also advise spouses to keep a gratitude journal.

According to Wasson and Hefner, this might seem like a strange recommendation, but it''s when things aren''t going well that you most need to look for the positive things that are present in your life. They write, "A gratitude journal gives you a nudge to remind yourself of the many blessings already present in your life...Being aware of your blessings gives you a broader, more balanced perspective of your life."

This, they contend, jump starts the process of being able to see an increased number of positives instead of overlooking them as people in crisis often do. While spouses may start out listing positives such as watching a beautiful sunset, the process makes it easier for them to begin noticing what''s right about their partner and marriage instead of only focusing on the negative aspects.

The co-authors also agree with the Time suggestion of learning to forgive as a key ingredient in a happy life. They state that "Forgiveness involves letting go of resentment and blame. It''s something that you do for yourself when you are ready to let go of depleting anger." Wasson and Hefner contend that shaky marriages are usually full of grudges and hurts from the past.

According to Dr. Wasson, "Someone has to take the lead in making healthy changes that can change the present dynamics of blame and resentment. One partner deciding to forgive themselves and the partner for not being perfect can have an amazing impact on the marriage and its chances to survive the crisis."

The Time article recommends writing a letter of forgiveness to the person who has hurt or wronged you. Co-author Hefner sees this as a "courageous step of taking responsibility for your own happiness and well-being, as well as the health of your relationship."

According to the Time article, University of Illinois psychologist Edward Diener, a.k.a. Dr. Happiness, has found that loss of a spouse is one of two life events that seem to "knock people lastingly below their happiness set point." (The other is loss of a job.) Seventy-three percent of participants in a recent Time poll responded that their relationship with their spouse or partner or their love life is a major source of happiness.

Based on the current findings, Wasson and Hefner state that it makes more sense than ever to recognize the potential of a marriage to boost happiness and health and to work to keep and improve it.

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don''t love you anymore!" The e-book is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com , where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Contact Nancy at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.', 178, 'New Findings on Happiness Have Implications for Rocky Marriages, Marriage-Wedding, Marriage-Wedding articles, Marriage-Wedding information, about Marriage-Wedding, what is Marriage-Wedding, Marriage & Wedding Information', 'New Findings on Happiness Have Implications for Rocky Marriages plus articles and information on Marriage-Wedding

10 Valentines Day Tips for Spouses Who Want to Improve Their Marriage

The best and most valuable gifts are often not material ones. While many spouses focus on Valentine''s Day gifts such as jewelry or candy, spouses who are willing to invest the time and energy can give one of the most precious gifts possible-an improved, satisfying marriage.

Long after the romantic card is tucked away and the box of candy is empty, this marriage-enriching gift will still be appreciated and enjoyed. Follow these ten steps to give yourself and your spouse an unforgettable Valentine''s Day gift:

1. Direct your energy into becoming the kind of marriage partner you''d like to have. It''s easy to criticize a spouse for not being perfect while we overlook our own imperfections.

2. Focus on how you need to change in order to be a better partner. The only person you can ultimately change is yourself.

3. Accept responsibility for your own actions. You take a giant leap forward in growth the day you can say, "I''m sorry for my actions" instead of rationalizing and offering excuses.

4. Minimize blame and resentment. They are toxic and can poison your marriage and your life.

5. Practice forgiveness, not to let your partner off the hook, but because you want to move forward without carrying the weight of past hurts.

6. Break your marriage goals down into small steps and begin taking action. It''ll be easier to continue moving forward when you start seeing progress.

7. Adopt the philosophy expressed in the Serenity Prayer: "God, grant me serenity to accept what I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

8. Focus on what you can do and give instead of keeping tabs about who is doing the most or making the greatest effort in your marriage.

9. Strive for balance in your own life between family, friends, work, sports, hobbies, recreation, and other interests. Then you won''t be as likely to obsess about the imperfections in your partner.

10. Reward and praise yourself often for hanging in there in a challenging situation. You deserve it!

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don''t love you anymore!" This e-book is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com, where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Nancy can be contacted at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.', 178, '10 Valentines Day Tips for Spouses Who Want to Improve Their Marriage, Marriage-Wedding, Marriage-Wedding articles, Marriage-Wedding information, about Marriage-Wedding, what is Marriage-Wedding, Marriage & Wedding Information', '10 Valentines Day Tips for Spouses Who Want to Improve Their Marriage plus articles and information on Marriage-Wedding

Subtle Danger Signals on the Domestic Front

If you''ve been around long enough, you''re aware of the many things that can play havoc with domestic peace, even where the parties concerned are not short of goodwill and have the best of intentions.

High up on the list of culprits here are poor communication habits, either on their own or in combination with other negative influences. This, surely, you also know. But what we often don''t realize is how incredibly subtly these disruptive forces can operate, and how they slowly but surely erode the harmony of the home.

Settle back, if you will, and reflect on these two imaginary scenarios.

Scene One

Jack and Jill are not long past being newlyweds. They are a loving and devoted couple, in anybody''s language.

One of Jack''s special loves (apart from his new wife!) is counseling and tutoring handicapped children. With Jill''s blessing and encouragement, he devotes two evenings a week to this pursuit.

Jack''s stint at the children''s home begins at 7:30. He knows how eagerly the kids await his arrival, and besides, he''s a punctual soul by nature.

If - as happens more often than not - he has been held up by the traffic on the drive back from work, the adrenaline tends to surge a bit as he readies for the evening''s outing.

Being the loving and dutiful young spouse that she is, Jill would not dream, of course, of allowing her hardworking hubby to leave the house on an empty stomach. At the bare minimum, he is expected to down a plate of warm, nourishing soup, or to imbibe a cup of steaming hot coffee.

But our hero is neither hungry nor thirsty.

He can take a bite later at the institution, if he chooses, or when he gets back home. All he wants right now is to get moving. Every muscle is on tenterhooks; quite involuntarily, he feels the blood rising in his veins.

But how can he offend Jill, who is straining every nerve to please him? And should she "rub it in" by asking his advice on some weighty matter just as he is stepping out the door, isn''t she doing it to honor him?

Quite subconsciously, the resentment builds up. If only poor Jill knew

If only Jill knew? So, why doesn''t he tell her?

That, indeed, is the $64,000 question.

****

Scene Two: Variation One

Now let''s pay our hero and heroine another visit..

Jack works for a large company as a chemical engineer. A team that he leads has been busy for months, developing and testing a major new product. Jack has been in bright spirits of late, for the project is nearing completion and results have exceeded expectations.

But today, a senior colleague walked in and asked all sorts of peculiar questions. He begged to differ on Jack''s glowing assessment of the results. He tauntingly expressed his surprise that the company had invested time and money on - in his not so humble opinion - an exercise in futility.

Jack arrives home, not in the best mood he''s ever been. And how have things been going with Jill?

Pretty well, actually...at least, until an hour ago.

It was then that Jill walked out of their third floor apartment with a bag of garbage in her hand, to deposit it at the dump outside.

Her lively mind being preoccupied with a thousand and one things, the tiny tear in the bag had escaped her notice. But that public-spirited neighbor of hers on the second floor. well, nothing ever escapes HER notice!

And you''ve guessed it -if that good lady''s eyes are sharp,her tongue is even sharper. An unsuspecting Jill is no match for her antagonist in the verbal onslaught that follows.

Jill is shaken to the core and thoroughly confused. Did she really commit such a terrible crime? But she''s comforted in the knowledge that her loving and coolheaded husband will be home within the hour. Surely, he''ll resolve her doubts, and give her some of her self-esteem back.

But - you''ve guessed it again! At best, Jack will hear her out politely and feign some interest, but his mind will be elsewhere. Worse, he''ll respond with a few grunts. And worse still, he''ll be visibly irritated.

Understandable, even if not justified? You may or may not think so, depending, possibly, on your own gender.

Scene Two: Variation Two

OK. But let''s say that the very next day, one of Jack''s bosses strolls into the lab.

He heartily pats Jack on the back and tells him that everyone at the plant is SO proud of him. All can see already that the new product''s a real winner. That fellow that stormed in yesterday? Don''t worry about him - he''s obviously jealous...

Let''s also assume that that nasty verbal exchange between Jill and her neighbor happened not yesterday, but today. Holding back her tears, Jill blurts out the story as soon as Jack walks in.

Ironically, Jack can hardly wait to share his own news...good news. But he sees how agitated his wife is, and restrains himself.

But being the astute young man that he is, Jack doesn''t need to hear the whole recital before he pieces the whole thing together. Jill is only two or three sentences into her story when she is cut short:

"Relax. I think it''s shocking, but what''s the big deal? I''ll take care of that old so-and-so!"

"Good, but you don''t understand. I mean, do you realize how I feel? Do you think that she thinks that I''m just..."

"Enough, enough already. Must you go on and on? Now, have I got something to tell YOU!"

And so Jack proceeds forthwith to change the subject - callously and insensitively from Jill''s point of view. But from his own perspective, his apparently unseeming impatience is well-intended enough: he can''t wait to share good news with the most important person in his life...

****

Make ''em still stronger!

I''ll leave you to draw your own conclusions on these imaginary episodes. I just want to add one thing.

We sometimes tend to think that only relationships that are already falling apart need support and encouragement. Nothing could be further from the truth.

In one of the communities I lived in, there were courses for married couples called "Marriage Enrichment". They weren''t intended for problem marriages; on the contrary, if the course leaders suspected that your marriage wasn''t strong, they wouldn''t let you participate.

Rather, the intention was, rather, to make strong marriages still stronger, and to fulfill the old precept: "prevention is better than cure." These courses were a resounding success.

Something to think about, isn''t it?

Azriel Winnett is the creator of Hodu.com - Your Communication Skills Portal. This popular free website is devoted to helping you improve your communication and relationship skills on all levels in business and professional life, in the family unit and on the social scene.', 178, 'Subtle Danger Signals on the Domestic Front, Marriage-Wedding, Marriage-Wedding articles, Marriage-Wedding information, about Marriage-Wedding, what is Marriage-Wedding, Marriage & Wedding Information', 'Subtle Danger Signals on the Domestic Front plus articles and information on Marriage-Wedding

Net Savvy Indian Brides and Grooms

India is a diverse, multi-cultural country with people of various religions, communities and sects living together in harmony and peace. Each community has its own set of religious rituals, traditions and multitudes of customs inherited from ancestors. Arranged marriage is one such common custom handed down over generations. Arranged marriage has played an important role in Indian marriages. This concept is even today accepted by millions of Indians in India and abroad. Marriages, initiated by elders, were arranged with the help of an ''aunt'' or the ''priest''. Over a period of time this has slowly transitioned from the marriage brokers to the newspapers and now onto the Internet.

Internet has revolutionized the way people communicate. Today, there are several matrimonial sites some aimed to a particular community/religion and some to the general public. These sites literally make the world seem a smaller place.

The concept of online matrimonial has become increasingly popular because it gives people up-front, at the click of a mouse, access to thousands of eligible singles, which neither newspapers nor marriage bureaus can ever offer. It has tremendously expanded the reach of every marriageable individual by exposing him/her to the millions of eligible Indians who visit these sites. Increasingly, many individuals and families spend their valuable time online searching for the perfect partner for themselves or their loved ones.

It is interesting to see that these sites are visited by conservative parents, relatives; who believe in the sanctity of arranged marriages and also by those for whom falling in love is the way to go. There are many wedding and wedding related sites on the net (like www.BridesandGroomsIndia.com, www.MyAstroHelpline.com, etc.) which understand the focus of the new age matrimonial net surfers and offer them several attractive services. These kind of sites have made it possible to find a partner, match the horoscopes, book a marriage hall and then do all the wedding shopping online.

Many Indians are hooked on to this concept as it is safe, saves a lot of time and presents a wider choice in every aspect.

It is interesting to see how the Indian marriage scene has changed over the years. Though Indians have become tech savvy and jumped on the Internet bandwagon to find the Mr./Mrs. Right, but still the Indian customs, the traditions, the core values remain the same.

The author is an computer professional and an Indian. She is associated with http://www.BridesandGroomsIndia.com. The author is attempting to study the imapct or the influence of Internet and technology on the lives of the Indian community.', 178, 'Net Savvy Indian Brides and Grooms, Marriage-Wedding, Marriage-Wedding articles, Marriage-Wedding information, about Marriage-Wedding, what is Marriage-Wedding, Marriage & Wedding Information', 'Net Savvy Indian Brides and Grooms plus articles and information on Marriage-Wedding

Getting Married? What You Should Do With Your Checking Accounts and Credit Cards

Marriage is a wonderful thing, but planning the wedding is a difficult task. The coming together leaves many things as an afterthought to the wedding. Each has their own credit cards, checking accounts, and utility bills. Hopefully, neither has a lot of debt.

Most people do not think about finances when they are getting married. It takes the romance out of it. But it is necessary to make some sort of arrangements, or at least a plan of how to get things consolidated.

Let''s start with checking accounts. There are a couple ways to go about it. Many financial experts believe that you should keep your individual accounts. It will be easier to manage and keep track of transactions with only one hand in the cookie jar.

Open up a joint account for your expenditures. Each should deposit a certain percent into the joint account to cover your allotted expenditure budget. What is left over can be deposited into your separate accounts and savings account.

Credit cards are a different story. Each of you will probably have numerous cards of your own. Take an evening and call all of the issuing banks. Tell them that you just got married and are eliminating some of your accounts. Whichever card issuers give you the best rates are the ones you keep. They will add your spouse onto the account with a phone call and send out your new cards.

Settling your accounts is easy it just takes a little time. It is best to take care of these matters quickly, as time will not make it any easier. Some of the institutions may ask for your marriage license, and be prepared to send it. They will send it back if you provide a self addressed stamped envelope.

Robb Ksiazek is a successful author and publisher for http://www.checks-4u.com. He has researched and written hundreds of articles and can simplify your online search by recommending merchants for the best value and selections in business or personal checks, address labels, rubber stamps and envelopes. More information about personal checks may be found at http://www.checks-4u.com/Personal%20Checks.htm.', 178, 'Getting Married? What You Should Do With Your Checking Accounts and Credit Cards, Marriage-Wedding, Marriage-Wedding articles, Marriage-Wedding information, about Marriage-Wedding, what is Marriage-Wedding, Marriage & Wedding Information', 'Getting Married? What You Should Do With Your Checking Accounts and Credit Cards plus articles and information on Marriage-Wedding

You?re Making Your Wedding List and Checking It Twice?What Have You Forgotten?

Preparing for a wedding, large or small, is overwhelming! A way to combat that feeling is to break down the required tasks, divide the responsibilities and assign deadlines. Ok, all that is fine-but what have you forgotten?

A wedding is a public affair, and it''s everyone''s fear that somewhere, somehow, despite all the planning, arrangements, expense, and hard work, something will happen to make one or more of the principles appear foolish in public.

Let''s look at a scenario for a moment. It''s a beautiful day and a beautiful wedding. Everything is in place. The site of the ceremony has been decorated appropriately and beautifully, all major participants are playing their roles correctly and are properly dressed, the groom and his best man have arrived and are in place, and the wedding party are about to begin the walk down the aisle.

The music starts, and the bridal attendants proceed down the aisle. They''re nervous, and when nervous, people tend to both rush and "herd." The attendants are following that instinct, and they''re so close together that no one can get a separate picture of each one! The organist is trying to keep up with the fact that the attendants are in place far too soon, so she/he speeds up the music. The bride then starts to proceed down the aisle before the music has changed; the organist quickly switches the music, which now has the tempo of a rock opera. No one has been able to get photographs of the bridesmaids. The bride is beautifully dressed, but she''s so close to the maid/matron of the honor or flower girl that no one can see or photograph her properly either-she''s nervous too!

As the bride and her escort pass, you notice that her train, which is probably at least as beautiful as the rest of her gown if not more so, is twisted and to the side. Because in most ceremonies the bride and groom stand facing the officiant, you can see her twisted train all throughout the ceremony!

After the ceremony, the bride and groom proceed back down the aisle, followed by the attendants and the couple''s parents. Because of the emotion of the moment, some of the members of the bridal party have cried during the service, and it now appears that most female members of the party, including the bride herself, has made themselves up to look like circus clowns because their mascara is running and their foundation is streaked! The guests are asking themselves if the bridal party looked that way at the start of the ceremony, because of course they couldn''t see them very well-they were too close together.

There''s a sudden downpour outside in the middle of the ceremony, and it doesn''t let up. When the time comes for the bride, groom and wedding party to be transported to the reception everyone gets wet and soggy and arrives at the reception looking unhappy, uncomfortable, wrinkled, soaked, and with their hairdos in disarray. It''s all recorded on those expensive once-in-a-lifetime wedding photographs and videotapes too!

So how can all this be prevented? First, if you don''t have a professional wedding planner, you need an assistant! It should be a close friend or relative who is not supposed to be sitting in the reserved seats at the front, and so is available to help you manage the last minute necessary details. You should prepare a kit in advance of the ceremony that contains things like a needle and thread in black, white and the wedding colors, toothpaste and chalk to deal with any stains that might appear on the wedding dress, asprin and an extra pair of stockings in a neutral shade, a small bottle of water, tissues or handkerchiefs, etc.

Your assistant''s first task is to hand out the tissues or handkerchiefs--almost every bridal party forgets them. She should hand these out just before the mothers and then the bridal party proceed down the aisle. The bride and bridal party can hold them under their bouquets so that they are not seen. If you hand them out any time before that, you''ll find that at least one person--and more often a few people--will forget to bring theirs-and a wedding ceremony is no place to take chances! Tissues will serve the purpose, of course-but do you really want the bridal party photographed during the ceremony with tissues-perhaps shredded by a nervous owner? Men''s handkerchiefs will do, and of course, pretty lace-trimmed handkerchiefs are even better-just make sure they''re sizeable! You may be able to find reasonably priced lace handkerchiefs locally or online, or you can always buy men''s linen handkerchiefs and hand-sew lace on them--it doesn''t take that long to do.

Your helper''s second task is to space your attendants as they go down the aisle. When the organist (who has used unrolling the aisle runner and the placement of the groomsmen as a cue) begins the processional music, your helper should stand to the side of the lined-up bridesmaids, using the door as a shield so that she will not be seen by your guests. While proper spacing is a matter of judgment, a good guideline is that the next bridesmaid should not proceed down the aisle until the bridesmaid in front of her is AT LEAST 1/2 way up the aisle in a medium-sized church or hall. If the church is the size of a cathedral (as in The Sound of Music), it could be 1/3 of the way. Remember-they can''t start without you!

The maid/matron of honor should not start until the last bridesmaid is in place, and the flower girl and ring bearer should also not start down the aisle until the maid/matron of honor is in place, regardless of the size of the church. In other words, there should be a little more spacing between these two members of the bridal party.

The bride should wait until the first few bars of the music for the bride has been played. The organist is waiting for the placement or seating of the ring bearer and flower girl to switch music; do not rush her! Again remember: it won''t start without you! Your helper is there to calm you and your escort down, wait for the music, make sure the bride is on the left,and slow you both down if necessary.

When the last bridal attendant or flower girl/ring bearer "step off" and are on their way down the aisle, your helper should slip behind the bride and her escort, again, taking care not to be seen. On the very first step that the bride and her escort take, the helper should pick up the train at least a foot but no more than two feet off the ground, and give it a "flip." This action is similar to smoothing out a sheet on a bed. The "flip" will ensure that the train will ride on a curtain of air and stay spread correctly as long as the bride keeps walking.

Next, how to handle the sudden downpour. As part of your preparations, the bride should obtain enough umbrellas (three is plenty) for the bridal couple and the bridal party. Some limousine services also carry umbrellas, but if so, they usually only have one, and you need to consider at least your bridesmaids as well. If you find that you have too many, the parents and relatives of the couple would appreciate them, too! While any color umbrella will do, white umbrellas would be lovely. Consider getting a large golf size umbrella for the bride and groom and folding umbrellas do nicely for your wedding party and parents. Your helper should have the umbrellas at the back of the hall or church near the door and be ready to hand them out after the ceremony.

Arrange to give your assistant the umbrellas and your emergency kit a day or two before the wedding, and make sure that she knows what her role will be. A good friend is priceless! Remember that she is doing you a favor. It would be a nice gesture--and one that will be remembered--to present her personally with a special and thoughtful gift at the reception, as well as your thanks. You can put the gift in a parent''s car, or possibly the best man''s car, in advance of your wedding day.

Attention to these little but important details can help to assure memorable pictures and a worry-free wedding day!

Marilyn Woodman is the owner and webmaster of Thinkwedding.com, a wedding website that features wedding articles, books, ebooks, gifts and accessories for the bride, groom, and their wedding party, wedding ceremony supplies wedding parties, Save the Date magnets, keepsake marriage certificates, wedding and shower favors, custom candy wrappers, rolls, wine and water bottle labels, white umbrellas, blank wedding invitations, programs and other wedding stationery, wedding stationery templates, organza pouches and ribbons, and much more!', 178, 'You?re Making Your Wedding List and Checking It Twice?What Have You Forgotten?, Marriage-Wedding, Marriage-Wedding articles, Marriage-Wedding information, about Marriage-Wedding, what is Marriage-Wedding, Marriage & Wedding Information', 'You?re Making Your Wedding List and Checking It Twice?What Have You Forgotten? plus articles and information on Marriage-Wedding